If you’re feeling stuck, things might feel overwhelming or even hopeless. Your to-do list may feel like an ever-growing one with nothing getting ticked off. You may even be behind at work or secretly worrying about how you are going to get it all done.
If any of this is familiar, you’re not alone, and more importantly, you can get unstuck.
What’s the secret to getting unstuck? Momentum. Step by step.
What is momentum?
- Indecision
- Grief
- Dissatisfaction
- Disempowerment
Second, once you know the cause, you will know what it will take to embrace momentum and propel your life forward toward success.
1. The irony of indecision
If you find yourself facing a big decision or a situation in which you don’t have an answer, it can lead to indecision. Indecision can cause you to do nothing. Often when you’re paralyzed by indecision, it is most likely caused by a fear of acting before things are perfect. It is a form of worry and worrying, is nothing more than wishing for what you don’t want!
The irony of this situation is that the indecision is rooted in fear of failure, and by not acting, you inadvertently fulfill your fear. This kind of stagnancy is emotionally connected to an imagined imperfect future that hasn’t even happened yet. It is perfectionism bullying you into failure. It is also a lack of trust in yourself.
Decision dice exercise
List your options in the situation. Assign them to a six-sided dice or the two-sides of a coin. Roll the dice or flip the coin. Before checking the results, look at your list again. Is there one answer in particular that you’re hoping for? It’s your ruby slippers moment of realizing you already had the answer and making this connection can propel you into momentum.
2. Good grief, is there such a thing?
Sometimes life throws us a curveball and we struggle to adapt to it. The most extreme version of this scenario is when someone we love dies. After this kind of significant loss, there are several stages of grief to process including shock and denial, anger, bargaining, resignation, and acceptance. This is an obvious expectation when we’ve attended a funeral or signed divorce papers, but sometimes grief can sneak up on us in other situations.
Big changes can cause grief (even the good ones)
- Being under quarantine
- Getting a scary diagnosis
- Graduation
- Experiencing a house fire
- Getting engaged
- Getting married
- Getting divorced
- Having a baby
- Having a miscarriage
- Losing a job
- Getting a new job
- Moving to a new city
- Adopting a pet
The truth is grief can happen whenever our expectations don’t line up with an outcome. Grief is focusing on an imperfect past or present that you can’t change. You expected someone or something to be a certain way, and it didn’t happen. And the gift with grief, is you eventually realize that you’re not broken at all. You’re more in alignment as a result.
Processing grief
If you’re stuck in the numbness of grief, you can find your way out again by reconnecting to your feelings. Take a walk in your yard, around the block, or just up the stairs in your house. As you walk, ask yourself if you can get angry. You might have to listen to angry music or stomp your feet while you’re walking around, but if you can move from numb sadness to anger, you’re moving — inside and out! Most of us don’t like feeling angry, but anger expressed in a healthy way like screaming into a pillow or stomping your feet can start your momentum forward. After letting yourself feel angry, see if you can move toward frustration. Once you’re frustrated at the powerlessness of the situation, then see if you can shift to the possibility of things being different. Can things change? If you can move your emotional state to possibility without getting attached to a specific outcome, you’ll likely feel motivation building to take steps toward the change.
3. Dissatisfaction leads to disconnection
Sometimes we get stuck because we feel unmotivated after comparing ourselves to others. The world holds limitless opportunities for comparison of other people’s lives careers, relationships, vacations, wealth, health, body image, success, and more. When we focus on what we don’t have, or how what we have isn’t exactly what we want, it can lead to a scavenger hunt for more evidence of what we’re lacking. Giving our attention to thoughts of lack can cause us to want to escape or even spiral into unhelpful self-soothing patterns.
The truth is we have control over two things: our attention and our intention. The way out of being stuck from dissatisfaction is to put your attention on connection and your intention on appreciation.
Exercises for connection and appreciation
Recognise it is one step at a time, just like Kaizen. Kaizen is a Japanese philosophy of improvement one step at a time. If your to-do list is growing at an alarming rate, just choose one thing to do from it, and get it done. Tick it off and then admire how wonderful it feels to have one task off your list. Then choose another task on your list. The important aspect of this is doing one thing at a time, with appreciation for the present moment.
4. Mission: Disempowerment
Disempowerment can be negative self-talk, failure thoughts, or self-sabotage. Feeling stuck in disempowerment is acting on the belief that you can’t win or rise above your situation. Maybe these thoughts were taught to you form an early age by someone close to you. Perhaps you’ve had a run of situations not working out and you’ve all but given up trying. If you’re up to your eyeballs in disempowerment, you have probably gathered like-minded people that reinforce those negative thoughts and perpetuate your mission to stay stuck. In disempowerment.
If you’re stuck in disempowerment, things can seem impossible. The truth is the word impossible can be separated into two empowering words: I’M POSSIBLE. This might seem trivial, but empowerment starts with the decision that change is possible.
If your circle of friends or work colleagues are focused on your past mistakes, add some new people who will remind you of the possible positive future and support to you to direct some kindness toward yourself. Not sure how you can add some new people – the internet can be a great place to start with connecting to others via online classes, interest groups, and support groups.
Gratitude journaling is a wonderful way to learn more about yourself and it can get you moving again. This can be a positive step, however if it focuses you on the things you’ve survived or overcome, it can still tie you to potentially negative experiences and cause you to get stuck again.
I’d recommend focusing on appreciation for what is working or going well. It is more motivating because it feels closer to a state of thriving, rather than surviving.
Exercises for empowerment
There’s no need to overwhelm yourself with a big to-do list or big plans to journal every day. Start by making a quick list of appreciation to connect you to positive people and situations in your life. I often recommend 3 to clients. What or who do you love and appreciate? Being in a state of appreciation of your life will lead to a new perspective and help you to start moving forward with momentum.
Everyone gets stuck from time to time. When you can connect with what caused you to get stuck in indecision, grief, dissatisfaction, or disempowerment, you can find a way to get back to your momentum and move forward and grow your comfort zone.
Growing your comfort zone start with momentum, which starts with a choice. Make the decision that you’re open to things changing. If you need help, decide it is okay to receive help. Connect with a friend or colleague you trust or talk to a professional who can support you in getting unstuck. Let yourself off the hook from the never-ending to-do list and decide to just do one new thing today. Remember you’re not alone and you won’t be stuck forever. It’s a phase. The bad news is, nothing lasts forever, and the good news is, nothing lasts forever. You can and will get moving again!
If you’d like to have a conversation about your situation, please book in a confidential call with me and we can explore together how you can get unstuck and grow your comfort zone.
