Getting to know your anger triggers

Anger is not a new emotion. Charles Darwin wrote about it more than a century ago, and even then, it was considered an adaptive emotion for humans and animals. Anger as an emotion has survived generations through a process of natural selection, and it still plays a significant role in everyday life. That being the case, it is important to know how to effectively manage anger, so you don’t experience the negative effects of anger. 

How do you know it’s anger? 

You need to be able to identify your anger and anger triggers if you want to be in control of your anger. Most people do not know when they are angry as they have become so proficient at suppressing their anger. From a young age, you will have learnt what anger means in your family. Anger can mean one of three things; one, anger is a bad emotion and as a result it needs to be suppressed at every opportunity; two, anger is an emotion that needs to be expressed so you learnt to express your anger with words and actions; or three, anger is an emotion with lots of good data and as a result, you were taught how to effectively manage and process anger. 

Unhelpful expressions of anger

There are times when you may be overcome by the moment and instinctively express your anger either physically or verbally. This could mean that you verbally abuse or bully someone. You may even damage property or hurt someone in your rage. 

According to psychotherapist Hilary Jacobs Hendel when you are overtaken by anger you simultaneously lose the capacity to be calm, curious, connected, compassionate, confident, courageous, and clear. 

Defenses help you to suppress your anger

Defenses are the mind’s way of sparing you from feeling pain and overwhelm. They help you to avoid feeling core emotions like anger, like emotional protectors if you will. Not every defense is bad. They help us to put our emotions aside. We need defenses when displaying emotions isn’t practical like when we need to be professional at work, but we are feeling profoundly sad. 

Here is a list of common defenses: 

Identifying and working with your anger in an adaptive way requires you to be determined and persistent. By using the techniques below, it will be much easier for you to figure out what the root cause is for your anger. 

Step 1 – How are you feeling?

When you start to experience anger make an immediate assessment of your level of anger. Do you feel a bit angry or is there growing anger within you? Are you experiencing any physiological symptoms such as your heart racing or shallow breathing? Do you feel your muscles tightening or even feel hot or cold? Where do you feel your body most vividly? 

You need to record the feelings of anger that you experience. I recommend that you start and maintain a journal for this. Remember to record what is going on in your mind as well as any physiological symptoms that you have. This technique of assessing your anger feelings helps you to be curious about your anger so you can get to know it. 

Step 2 – What thoughts are you experiencing? 

Every time that you experience anger it is going to trigger certain thoughts in your head. Make a note of the thoughts you are experiencing. Are these thoughts polarizing? Do these thoughts connect to something in your past? Perhaps you are making a judgement about something or someone? At this stage, just be aware of your thoughts. There is no need to challenge them at this point. Just be aware of them and write them down.

When you experience a powerful unwanted emotion like anger there is likely to be a story taking place in your head. If this is the case, make a note of this story in your journal. After you have experienced the emotion and are feeling calmer you can assess your thoughts and stories to try to identify a trigger.

Step 3 – Identify what triggered an unwanted emotion 

After experiencing anger, consider what could have triggered it. Do you think that it was triggered due to a perceived injustice, an unfair interaction with another person or was it a specific thing that triggered? Sometimes the smallest thing can trigger an angry response. A single word that someone said can be enough.

Always keep an open mind when you are considering what triggered your anger. The truth is that it can be many things so there’s no need to fixate on one particular thing. Again, you must write your ideas down so that you can reflect on them later.

When you experience a strong angry response, it is a good idea to retrace your steps when you feel calmer. Go back over everything that occurred and focus on the moment that you experienced the anger. What exactly was happening at this point?

What happened before the anger trigger?

There may be certain prerequisites before your anger is triggered. Perhaps your commute into work was bad or maybe you were grumpy because you didn’t get enough sleep. Think about the things that have happened that could have set the stage for you to feel angry. 

Self-knowledge is the most effective tool to effectively manage your anger. 

While it might sound trite, knowing yourself is the single-most effective way of managing your anger effectively. You can attend classes where you focus on triggers, follow a standardized set of guidelines and share learnings however unless you learn what your defense mechanisms are to protect you from feeling anger, you are unlikely to experience any long-term change. 

If, while reading this article you think that you could benefit from the services of a professional to help you identify the source of your anger and provide tailored ways that you can process your anger, then book in a confidential call. During our call, we can explore your anger, potential sources for it and ways for you to more effectively manage it so that you do not need to experience the negative effects of anger. 

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