How boundaries protect your mental health

If you don’t manage your boundaries, it can feel rather overwhelming, like you don’t have control over yourself and your life and, for the most part, that’s true. Learning how to set boundaries can really go a long way to protect you from being overwhelmed and your mental health.

Often clients are nervous about setting boundaries as they are concerned it will alienate them, make them unpopular or feel ‘harsh’. The reality though is that setting and communicating boundaries teach others how to treat you. When you set clear boundaries, you tell the world what doesn’t work for you and what does. You’re telling others what acceptable behaviour towards you is and what behaviour isn’t acceptable. You’re essentially communicating your wants, needs, and dislikes.

Boundaries are set to protect you, they shield your heart and amplify your voice. That might sound great, but if you haven’t set boundaries, then the starting point might be more difficult to locate. No matter what you think of yourself, I am here to let you know that you deserve to be happy and healthy and you deserve to live your life the way you want and to be treated the way you would like.

What boundaries should you set? What limits do you need to put in place? What is or isn’t a good boundary?

Start with curiosity – what feelings, thoughts, and behaviours do you have and what messages are they sending to you about potential boundaries?

By asking the questions below you will gain insight into what boundaries you need to set to protect your mental health and honour your limits.

Do you say yes even though you want to say no?
Do you feel resentful after saying yes?
Do you feel overworked? If your answer is yes, why?
How often do you try to use your phone daily?
Do you carry your phone with you, from bed to the bathroom?
Do you have enough time to complete your tasks?
Are you heard in relationships?
Are your needs being met?
What needs do you have?
What fills you with energy?
What drains your energy?
Are you getting enough rest? Are you eating enough?
Do you have an overall feeling of satisfaction?
Think of a difficult person in your life, how do interactions with them make you feel?
Do you feel good after you have spent time with them?

Your responses should provide you with plenty of insight about who or what you need to set boundaries around to protect your mental health. Take this opportunity to make a list of potential boundaries.

For example, “I’m too busy to take calls in the evening as it’s family time, but you can call me back tomorrow at x time”.

Once you have a list of boundaries, you can practice establishing them by repeating them aloud. It will feel silly, but it’s helpful.

When you begin the boundary-setting process it will probably feel uncomfortable. Especially when you’re setting boundaries at work or with people who have come to expect a certain level of compliance or availability from you. It’s so much easier to say yes… that’s true at the time. The stress it brings on you afterwards though, is making your life exponentially more difficult and isn’t helping your mental health.

Honour yourself and your mental health by advocating for yourself through boundaries. You can start small by setting a new boundary daily or weekly, it doesn’t have to be something huge. You’d do well to consistently remind yourself that boundaries matter and that they are a skill that can be learned, and even you can develop that skill.

5 Types of boundaries

1. Physical

Physical boundaries relate to your personal space. If you feel anxious or uncomfortable, then your physical boundaries are being violated. Be clear about what is acceptable in your physical space.

2. Emotional

This refers to your internal emotional experience. It’s important to acknowledge both negative and positive feelings and the people around you need to be supportive of that. That can be complicated when you’re processing sadness or anxiety, and it can invalidate your emotions when someone says “It could be worse” or “you’ll be fine”.

3. Mental

This relates to your thought process. You won’t always see eye to eye with the people in your life, we all have different experiences. However, you are entitled to your opinions, thoughts, beliefs, and values. You can give respect when others share theirs, but they should offer the same in kind. If your thoughts are being met with invalidation, aggression, or belittling, then boundaries need to be addressed and possibly re-set.

4. Time/Energy

This might be one of the biggest ones people struggle with because when it comes to time and energy boundaries, it requires you to say no to other people. Know your limits and prioritise your time. There is no need to feel bad about exerting them.

5. Material

Your possessions are your own, if you don’t want someone to borrow your car, then say no. If you don’t want someone using your possessions without asking, then tell them. You have to set boundaries.

Boundaries during difficult times

Boundaries are especially important right now during the high-stress and uncertain times of the changing world we live in brought about by diverse political views. Right now, boundaries can go a long way to protecting your mental health because they guard you from the things that can harm it.

For example, you can set a boundary with someone who always wants to dwell on the bad things that are happening in the world, which we have little to no control over. You could respond to them in the following ways.

“Thank you, but I do not wish to discuss the war in Israel right now, can we talk about your children instead?”

“I do appreciate that you are trying to help me by sharing the latest news, but I would prefer to discuss more uplifting things right now.”

“I respect that you have your own opinions, but I need to come to my own conclusions right now.”

You can also set boundaries with yourself. For example, limiting how much news you watch or how much time you spend on social media.

Always be concise when communicating your needs and be willing to do what it takes to establish boundaries to protect your mental health.

If you would like to have better control over your life, book a confidential call with me and we can explore how you can start to take control of everything you have on your to-do list.

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The art of saying ‘No’: Setting boundaries to combat overwhelm

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